you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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