I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
