Can i not drive my cunt home
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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