My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
