I hate your face
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
