he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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