i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
