oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
