Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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