So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
