Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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