Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
