Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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