Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
