Please don't use social media to get back at me.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
