i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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