I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
my phone needs a breathalizer
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Randomize
