Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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