Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
