she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
