I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Randomize
