I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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