every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
