how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
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Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
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Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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