Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
