In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize