Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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