I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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