I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
