Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize
