I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
