I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
