my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
