Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
