Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
