i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Enjoy the penises
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
