I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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