last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
