In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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