I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
