In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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