I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
