He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
he's single and there are thong briefs.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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