He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
