i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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