Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
My ass is underappreciated
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
