kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
