You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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