omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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