I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
