apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
