I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
