we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize