Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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