i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
