The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
