nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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