He passed out mid-signature
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
