thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
