I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
