I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
home. puking in laundry basket.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
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