I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
