Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
