we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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