Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
