Pants 0. Shit 1.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
