so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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