But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
