Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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