Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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