I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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