i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
