He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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